Mental health recovery after CF.

[BreakFree]

I was recently asked the question. What mental health support is available after leaving Christian Fellowship and how can a psychiatrist and psychologist help you?

I was born into the Christian Fellowship. This is an important point to consider as I had no reference point to life other than what the leaders told me. I say this because my challenges are different from someone who was forced in by someone or choose to go in themselves. Before I started School I had been indoctrinated 3 times over through the Sonseekers program. By the time I started school I had strong suicide ideation. I have carried these thoughts well into my adult life. Looking back on my childhood and teenage years I can clearly see I struggled with chronic depression for most of my life although, we weren’t allowed to acknowledge such things as mental health because “Christians can’t have mental health problems, mental health is just a symptom of lack of faith and not being obedient…” During my last 18 months in CF these thoughts ramped up again to the point where I was pleading with God to take my life. I officially left Easter 2018 although I had been emotionally checked out since 2017. I started to rebuild my new life. For a while things were going well until the excommunication started to really impact me. The despair grew so much that I had 3 attempts at taking my life. This was just before my wife and I found out she was pregnant. I was admitted to a mental health hospital and was there majority of her pregnancy. I was put under the care of a Psychiatrist and Clinical Psychologist who treat a lot of veterans with PTSD. My diagnosis (as is with most cult survivors) is Complex PTSD, the difference being (in laymen’s terms) , complex PTSD is multiple interwoven traumas oppose to PTSD which can be identified as a singular event such as a car crash.

My psychiatrist did the usual first line of treatment with medication. Then started me on bilateral TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) this is similar to ECT except it uses magnetic pulses not electricity. The purpose was teach my brain to function normally. It reduced anxiety on the right side and stimulated the left for depression. During my stay in hospital, I completed 2 full rounds of this. My unmedical explanation of this TMS stabilised my brain so that I could do the actual processing of the trauma. It was not a cure but part of the solution.

My psychologist did a couple of things. The first was allow me to talk and just let my story out. The therapeutic work though was to do a therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which helps resolve the trauma. Certain memories are connected and so it can take a number of sessions to work through a particular web. I can not stress enough how important the therapeutic relationship needs to be in order to do this work.

Why did I go down this path and not seek healing through prayer? Firstly because I tried. I sought God with prayer, fasting, laying on of hands, none of it helped. The priest at our local church gave me some food for thought. He said “ Do you think modern medicine is a gift from God?” I didn’t understand what he meant so he explained. God has given humans a high functioning brain. He has also given people the ability to study and understand things and find cures for disease and illness. So do you think trusting Drs is actually apart of God’s healing for you?” The more I thought about this the more it resonated with me.

Coming out of CF leaves a person broken and often in despair. It’s a lonely place being excommunicated and at hard very hard to see the way forward. In a word the future is hopeless. I found it difficult to even consider the possibility of seeking mental health support because of what we were made to believe. Its was only through circumstance that I was forced to get help. My testimony is that there is a way out of this darkness. I don’t want to dismiss anyone’s personal journey of recovery but this is my story. Now I am married and have a son, working again, engaging in hobbies, attending our local church as I feel led. I don’t have it all together but I can say with confidence that if you are willing to do the work God will meet you and the shackles of CF will fall away one by one.

[Faith Hopegood]

Breakfree - thank you so much for sharing your story.

The PTSD, Depression and general brokenness resonates with me and you certainly suffered near fatal consequences.

Also, I think you have highlighted an important point. That it is very very important for people to seek help from professionals on all fronts to make every effort to recover. Do not be shy in talking your your GP, get referrals to Psychologists, Psychiatrists and other medical professionals as necessary. It is important to get trusted people to give you "perspective" in order to assist in the healing. Get trusted friends to pray for and with you. Attack the issue on every front possible.

I like you comments on the advice of the Priest from your local church - wise words.

Blessings to you and your family Breakfree.
Sincerely, Faith Hopegood.

[guest]

Thank you BreakFree for your honesty and openness in sharing your painful recovery with us. You have certainly suffered deeply over a long period of time. Thank God you found the help you needed.

It’s late but I wanted to thank you and bless you. I will make further comments when I’m not so weary. I simply wanted to say how much my heart goes out to you for all you have suffered.

[Stargazer]

Thank you Breakfree for publicly sharing your mental health ramifications from experiencing trauma due to CF incarcerations. I too, reiterate your story. I was born into MCF, suffered for decades until I could escape. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from the trauma of the place and regime inflicted on me. It’s a slow healing process but we are moving on. Psychologists and church counsellors have discussed with me how damaging and “off track” the CF network is. No…it wasn’t all in my head! They ARE a damaging group and must be exposed to others.

[Dexter]

By the time I started school I had strong suicide ideation.

I think this is something that would merit further investigation within the xCFs although I don't know how trustworthy any data would be; I don't think it's the kind of thing many people would be honest about.

I certainly fell into that kind of thinking at a very early age for no apparent reason. Fortunately I was naïve enough to tell one of my parents, who persuaded me that following that train of thought was not a viable option. I'm glad I was persuaded even though it took years to figure out what caused that kind of depression in the first place, especially at such a young age.

‭Proverbs 13:12 NKJV‬
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
https://bible.com/bible/114/pro.13.12.NKJV

‭Psalms 27:13 NKJV‬
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.
https://bible.com/bible/114/psa.27.13.NKJV

‭‭Colossians 3:21 NKJV‬
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
https://bible.com/bible/114/col.3.21.NKJV

[guest]

I am still very troubled by this post.

You would not believe we are discussing trauma from a so-called ‘Christian’ community!

Why are the current members condoning such abuse? Surely someone with a conscience and the true love of God will oppose these men? There is power in numbers…walk out!!!

[Dexter]

Why are the current members condoning such abuse?

The short answer is that abuse is rebranded as "sufferings of Christ" or "discipline of the Lord".

This is obviously bad on two counts: Firstly it normalises abusive behavior, and secondly it makes it hard to discern our actual sufferings for Christ's sake.

Also, when it's framed like that, you can't argue against it without running the risk of getting kicked out by the Left Boot of Fellowship.

As a personal testimony, I recently found out that I had been physically assaulted twice by an elder's kid many years ago. He was not quite an elder himself but he was in high standing in the church. I didn't recognise it as abuse at the time because I thought that kind of behavior was normal and rationalised that I must have deserved it. It's only when I recounted those stories to some friends recently that they raised their eyebrows and told me, "That was abuse!"

[guest]

Dexter, you raise a very good point. Domestic abuse blurs lines so that the victim thinks they have done something to deserve such treatment. It takes time and help for victims to see that it wasn’t their fault, it was abuse. As we consider what we suffered under the BCF style of headship we are able to call it for what it is. Thanks for your continued openness and honesty.